The Craziest Harry Potter Parody
by gamergirl8901
Summary: It's just another one of my Harry Potter parodies. If you read the first one, I can promise that this one is much better. This is not meant to offend anyone. Hope you like it!


Hello everyone! This is my second, and in my opinion much better, Harry Potter parody. I hope you'll be pleased and not offended. I'm not making fun of other authors. I'm making fun of their ideas. If it offends you then there's nothing I can do about it! R&R.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or its characters.

The Craziest Harry Potter Parody 

Harry Potter yawned and woke up one morning to find himself in Slytherin House. He got out of bed and discovered that he had rock-hard abs from his intense Quidditch training, even though he is just the Seeker. But he didn't care because it made him so desirable. He high-fived Draco Malfoy, his best friend and lover, who also had rock-hard abs from Quidditch. When they walked past a mirror, both boys discovered that they were suddenly very tan and Harry no longer wore glasses. Glasses made Harry very unattractive, so Hermione cast a powerful spell that made it possible for Harry to see without them.

Everyone went down to the Great Hall for breakfast that morning, and almost everyone looked different. Hermione had morphed into Ho!Mione. Ho!Mione had straight blonde hair and wore a tight mini-skirt and tiny halter top just because she thought she was super hot. She had curves in all the right places out of nowhere and wore tons of make-up all over her face. Ron's face got very mature and all of his freckles vanished. Snape came down to the Great Hall and was suddenly a suave and desired guy. His greasy hair was very sexy and all the girls wanted to run their fingers through it. Ginny showed up and was dressed just like Ho!Mione, but no one liked her as much as Ho!Mione just because Ho!Mione was so much hotter than Ginny. Dumbledore was manipulative and mean, and Blaise Zabini was a transvestite.

A hundred American and Asian female exchange students Apparated into the Great Hall to be sorted. They all had long, colorful hair and dark eyes, and all of them were the most beautiful girls everyone in the Great Hall had ever seen. They all had beautiful names and all of those names had a meaning that said they were amazingly powerful, pretty, and mysterious. Every guy wanted to get with the girls, and all the girls wanted to be just like them. The exchange students didn't have to wear Hogwarts uniforms, but got to wear tight mini-skirts and tiny halter tops like Ho!Mione. When the Sorting Hat was placed on one of the girl's heads, a new house was created just for the exchange students. After they were all sorted into their special house, they started telling each other about their extra-special powers that no other witch and wizard had. They were all Animagi and all had psychic powers of some sort.

Harry was walking with Draco and he suddenly turned into a woman so that way him and Draco could be paired together and Draco wouldn't have to be gay. If he was gay, all the fangirls couldn't turn him into their own sexual fantasy. Draco decided that he didn't like girl-Harry so he dumped girl-Harry for Ho!Mione, who was secretly having sex with Snape. Harry turned back into a guy and became angsty and annoying. He found out that his father was actually Snape, but that didn't matter. He still wanted Snape's body so badly that Snarry formed and took over all other relationships. Snape dumped Ho!Mione, who had just started doing Blaise the transvestite. Blaise had to become a transvestite because he/she was getting a sex-change almost every fanfiction. Blaise the transvestite dumped Ho!Mione for Ginny, so Ho!Mione went back to Draco.

Draco found out he was related to Salazar Slytherin, despite the fact that it was stated that Voldemort is the last living descendant of Slytherin. Harry found out he was Godric Gryffindor's heir, Ho!Mione found out she was Rowena Ravenclaw's, and Ginny found out she was Helga Hufflepuff's. In fact, the four heirs looked just like the four founders for some strange reason. Then they all found out that Ravenclaw and Gryffindor had been dating, but Ravenclaw had an affair with Slytherin. Ravenclaw loved both men, and Hufflepuff loved Slytherin, who had a soft spot for Hufflepuff even though he wanted Ravenclaw. This caused the four heirs to become just like the founders.

But before they could do that, Harry and Draco took Polyjuice Potion to turn into each other, and because they were stupid things called Magids, the potion didn't wear off. Then Draco as Harry kissed Ho!Mione and they fell in love. When she finally found out it was Draco, she didn't care. The potion finally wore off and Ho!Mione kept going back and forth between the two boys. Salazar Slytherin came back to life and tried to get Ho!Mione to love him, but she decided not to. And later on Ginny went back in time to get Tom Riddle's diary and free him from it so they could be together again. And Draco found out he was a more powerful Magid than Harry and it made him feel super special.

Now back to the other story line that actually makes a little more sense. Dumbledore, being all manipulative, reveals that he paid Ron and Ho!Mione to be friends with Harry in their first year, and they tell Dumbledore that they don't actually like Harry at all. Harry finds out and becomes emo and starts cutting himself in grief. Then he starts hanging out with Draco and the Slytherins again because he wants to.

Ho!Mione finds out that she was adopted, and that she's really a pure-blood. Then she finds her real parents, who tell her that she's in an arranged marriage with Draco Malfoy. She gets into Slytherin and her and Draco become Head Boy and Girl and get their own dormitory, which is a cheap plot-device to get the two of them to realize how much they love each other.

Draco becomes a part-veela and every girl and boy falls in love with him, including Ho!Mione and Harry. Then Draco is no longer a veela. Instead he becomes a vampire, and he chooses Harry to be his mate. Draco's mother becomes weepy and pathetic, and his father becomes an abusive alcoholic that rapes Ho!Mione while she's dating Draco.

Harry goes back to the Dursleys over the summer and gets abused and raped by Uncle Vernon so many times that he finally cracks and Draco comes to rescue him from his uncle. Sirius adopts both Harry and Draco, who can suddenly become best friends because they're related, despite the fact that they spent years hating each other. Then Sirius loses custody of Harry to Snape, who got this sudden urge to become Harry's father.

Harry finds out that James and Snape were actually lovers in the past, as were Sirius and Lupin, Sirius and James, Sirius and Snape, Sirius and Lily, and Snape and Lily. In James and Lily's seventh year, they have this urge to go somewhere together and get locked in a cabin or stuck on a plane for hours and they discover that they are actually desperately in love/lust with each other. So Harry finds out how his parents got together and it makes him think about how he and Draco got together that very same way, possibly by the same author.

Everyone wakes up one morning and finds out that Harry is not the Boy Who Lived. Instead, his sister that no one knew about is the Girl Who Lived, and she is a cheap slut named Rose Potter. Rose Potter likes to run around naked all day and turn all the girls into lesbians. Cedric Diggory doesn't die just for the sole purpose of being Rose Potter's sex slave. She is more powerful than Dumbledore and Voldemort put together in just her first year.

In Harry's seventh year, because of the war, the Ministry creates a Marriage Law that states that all Muggleborns must marry Purebloods. Ho!Mione is suddenly forced to marry George Weasley, neither of which seems to mind all that much anyway. The new law usually only applies to Ho!Mione and George Weasley, because no one else seems to be getting married too.

Later on in the day, everyone's twins Apparated into the Great Hall and became more awesome than their counterparts. Then all the characters from Naruto, Power Rangers, Sailor Moon, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and any other shows that get crossovers magically appeared in the Great Hall to start Hogwarts. All the hot guys started going out with Ho!Mione and Ginny and all the hot girls started going out with Harry, Draco, Snape, and Sirius.

Harry became evil and Draco became good out of nowhere. Draco and Ho!Mione got together just because Draco was good and Harry started working with Death Eaters and Voldemort, even though Voldemort killed his parents. Harry eventually kills Voldemort so he can become the new Dark Lord, and everyone lives in fear of Harry. Draco rises up and becomes the ultimate good guy and the one who is destined to defeat the new Dark Lord. He and Harry face off and Draco kills Harry and all of his Death Eaters.

Dumbledore, being all manipulative and evil, was making an atomic bomb that he planned on using against all of Hogwarts. So he got all the members of the Order of the Phoenix, all the Hogwarts students, all the exchange students, OCs, crossover characters, and Death Eaters, complete with Voldemort, into the Great Hall. Then he blew up the school using his atomic bomb and everyone inside of it died. Then he created another one and used it on the Forbidden Forest and the Black Lake. After a while, he used yet another one to blow up all of Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley. But that just wasn't enough. He continued to blow up different places throughout the world until finally he blew up the entire planet. Knowing that wasn't enough, he blew up all the other planets and all their moons, til only the sun remained. He laughed evilly as he blew up the sun, which killed him too. Then the entire world was completely destroyed and nothing remained except for Dumbledore's laugh, which echoed for all eternity.

The End 

Review please! This is one of the most random stories in the entire world, but I don't care. I wrote as things came to me. I must give the ideas the credit they deserve. I thank the Harry Potter board from Gamefaqs, the forums from God Awful Fanfiction, the author of the Draco Trilogy, the author of the Rose Potter series, and every other author that wrote stories with these ideas. Sorry if I've offended anyone with this story. I think it was much better than my other parody. Don't forget to review! Thanks for reading this!


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